& that's the way life goes

I’m curious to know if you have a person in your life (a friend, relative, acquaintance) that consistently makes you feel like an airhead.  Not on purpose, maybe it’s just my perception of our conversation (even though they are for the most part online). I know I do and  I’m meeting him and his wife while they are in town this week.

I don’t know it’s just like every time I talk to him I read something wrong and respond in a ridiculous way.  I have a feeling this is because…

1. I met him when I was 18.  He is 4 years older than me.
2. We had some downright dirty IM chats for more than a year when I was a student worker.
3. He might have set it up (read called my boss and said he needed help) so I could go into an abandoned office to makeout with him.
4. When I moved back from Florida he became my boss.
5. He gave me a glowing recommendation when I found my current position.

Haha so funny.  Haven’t really thought about that in a long time.  While we are on the subject of old co-workers…

When we picked up the bunkbeds for the cottage it meant driving out to St. Claire Shores.  I haven’t been there since I stopped talking to JT.  JT and I met when at the beginning of freshman year of college.  We worked down the hall from one another as student workers.  We didn’t become closer friends until probably sophomore year.  Long story short we were always trying to get together in a normal relationship kind of way but the universe kept shutting us down.

Our first date was to meet a friend of mine in Canada.  We both got pretty buzzed (when he woke up with a hangover the next day his dad commented that maybe he shouldn’t have drove home…lol) but he refused to kiss me when I dropped him off at his car on campus.  Confused, he later told me because he didn’t want our first kiss to be like that.

I’d have a boyfriend so he would back off and remained friends.  Sometimes it was harder than others but we never hooked up while either of us was in clear relationship status.

I’d take a break from the boyfriend and we would pick back up with the flirting, stealing kisses in empty offices, having sex on a desk after everyone had left for the day (you’ve done that right?!)

This went on for 3-4 years.  We just couldn’t get it to work.  There were a lot of parties, shared cigarette breaks, he was the one I needed a hug from when my mom passed away.  I still remember him opening his arms up to me in the hallway of our office.  We watched each other grow.

We had another co-worker, HP  (6 years our senior), that sat through our little escapades a lot and offered advice.  In her words she was like our big sister <— keep this in mind for the twist in my story –

I met C and we moved to Florida after graduation.  At my first job I had AIM and would chat with my former co-workers.  To this day I can’t put together why I pushed JT on his friendship with HP.  I even went so far as offering the solution of them moving in together because they both wanted to move out.  I kept pushing trying to find out what was going on.  I think deep down I knew they were dating, how I knew is a mystery.

When Florida didn’t work out and I came home, they were dating.  To make it even more awkward, I found out through someone else.  And to add to it, I had taken a temporary position in the same department.

HP was no longer my “big sister”.  She was awkward and rude to me.  I hadn’t done anything.  To this day I can only think that her pushing me away had to do with her guilt.  I found a job 3 months later. After a year or so I emailed her asking if we could do dinner to catch up.  She replied she was going on vacation and she’s get in touch with me when she got back.  She didn’t.

She got deployed and I heard rumors that were confirmed that her and JT had gotten married before she left.  This was 4 years ago.  I’m over the hurt I felt, the betrayal and the shunning. A piece of me still wants to reach out, make peace and catch up. She was a huge part of my life.

What would you do? Let it go? Put yourself out there and send an email?

*After writing it out and reading a few of the comments I received I realized that I don’t actually want to connect with her.  Maybe I’m just being nosy.  I want to know what the two of them are up to. *

♥ Thanks so much for your comments you sent me on Twitter and email.  ♥

via kendralynn

After working out, ranting and being completely emo I went into the kitchen set on what I was making for dinner.  I hardly ever use my rice maker.  I know GASP!  I’m Filipino and I pull out the rice maker maybe every couple of months.

I remember joking when I was little that my Dad would get crabby if he didn’t have rice on a daily basis.  We’d go up north and he wouldn’t have any for a couple days and his mood was different.  When I got older he took me camping and on a propane stove he would make rice.  We’d have Adobo  and rice for dinner.

I never really identified with the Asian race.  I was raised American.  I think it was in fear that I  would have an accent and be treated differently.  My mom was only a quarter Filipino and to my knowledge didn’t identify with being Asian.  (I’m 5/8ths btw)  When my mom was on dialysis her nurses were Filipino and they insisted I be a part of the Filipino Debutant Ball when I was 16.  It was my first true immersion in a culture I knew little about.

It was cliquey and I’ve never felt so out of place in my life.  My dad wasn’t a doctor or a lawyer.  He worked on Sundays, the Sundays we had practice and all the dad’s came to watch.  It was questioned why he wasn’t there.

As I got older I began my own research into a race that intrigues me.  I don’t know how to explain it.  I feel a part of it sometime and others it’s just foreign to me.

And now that I’m completely off track, the reason for this post is that I was very Asian inspired in my cuisine last night.  I made rice and then got my wok out to make lumpia (spring rolls).  I’m going to be honest here, I’m a rookie when it comes to making lumpia.  I always ruin 2-3 rolls before I get the oil temperature right.  I also made fried rice, the way my dad showed me.  Though it didn’t taste like his at all.

C my haole, said it tasted just fine.  But what does he know   I also made some frozen potstickers from Trader Joe’s.  I realize that my dinner last night might be totally Americanized Asian but eh, that is what I am!

It hit me today that it’s almost 2010. Right, I know what you are thinking, ‘duh Ria!’

Thinking back 2000 was probably my best year yet.  Collectively that is.  2000 contained a Millennium party, spring break in Hawaii, prom, high school graduation and the start of college.

All big things in a girls life.  But when people say 2000, my first thought is Kik.  The parties camping.  The time where anything was possible.  I was an ‘adult’.  I was in limbo.  Right of high school and waiting for college.  It was 4 months of freedom.  Before everything changed.  Before I met douchebag, the boyfriend that corrupted my rosy world.

2000 = the best year of my life (so far)

So it really should be no surprise that when I actually realized that in a matter of days, it will be a decade ago…well I got sad.   A lot sad.  Like I want to sob all over the place sad.  Well maybe that’s a little drastic.  Maybe we get one year every decade that outdoes the rest.  If this is true, than that means this decade has a some big shoes to fill!

New Years Eve ©rialeilani

Spring Break ©rialeilani

roadtrip! ©rialeilani

Prom ©rialeilani

Graduation ©rialeilani

my happy place ©rialeilani

sad because MM was leaving for CMU ©rialeilani

What are you looking forward to in the next decade?  What will you miss?

In honor of Christmas…

The first is the Chrismouse Meme.  I was tagged by the sweet  Moody Mabel.

The Twelve days of Christmas have been celebrated since medieval times ~ traditionally beginning the day after Christmas Day (now known as Boxing Day) and ending with Twelfth Night.  And since the festive season is upon us ~ I thought it might be fun to do a Christmas meme!

Rules:

1. Copy the delightful Chrismouse picture to your post.
2. Copy these rules and the explanation of the meme (above).
3. Link the person who tagged you.
4. List 12 things: either about a Christmas present or memories about Christmas past (or a mixture of both)
5. Tag as many or as few people as you like!

1. Every Christmas Day since I’ve been born has been at my Aunt M’s house.  I’m taking it back this year and not going.  I actually don’t feel sad about it either.
2. She used to have this huge camel that me and my 2 cousins would have our pictures taken on every year, until it didn’t exist anymore.
3. On Christmas Eve we have to sing the 12 days of Christmas before the kids get to open their presents.
4. My dad used to hide jewelry presents in the tree for my mom to find on Christmas morning.
5. My dogs and past dogs know how to open presents.  My first dog, Poqui, used to know which stocking was his and he would sit in front of it and “guard” it.
6. Every year my mom and I would make Christmas cookies.  Every year she’d get pissed at the spritz press, wipe the dough off the bottom and throw it in the sink.  She’d chill the dough some more and eventually the cookies would get made.  She went through all the trouble because they were my Aunt D’s favorites.  J says she tries to make them but they never taste the same as my mom’s.
7. Until my mom died I got a present from Santa, I wish I still did.
8. I love getting cute socks for Christmas.
9. There was always lip smackers in my stocking.  My dad kept up the tradition until a couple years ago.
10. I used to get to open one present on Christmas eve, they were always pjs.
11. I love the way the lights twinkle on the houses.
12. JC told me that he still remembers coming over Christmas morning when we dated in high school.  My mom bought him more presents then his family bought him.

I’m participating in Gwen Ball’s Best of 09!

Today’s question:

What book – fiction or non – touched you? Where were you when you read it? Have you bought and given away multiple copies?

Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson

I read this book in hours.  Seriously hours I couldn’t put it down.  I brought it up north with us and the first day we spent relaxing on the beach outside our rented cottage. The weather was warm and I had to keep telling C  “stop talking to me I’m reading!’

This picture was taken after I had finished the book, but it’s where I was when I was reading it.  And ok, I might have taken a break to do this,

Wham’s Last Christmas is on my internet radio right now. I have to say this song cracks me up every holiday season.

Back when I was 14 I did something I haven’t done since.  I was the wingman (woman).  I dated someone because it was convenient.  My friend Heather started dating Gumby and when they broke up (much to Heather’s dislike) he started dating Misplaced Momma.  His friend D was not attractive, I think he might have been funny which gave him points at first but that wore off quickly because he just became annoying.

Obviously since we were only 14 we didn’t see the boys that much so I think D and I dated for at least 3 months.  Ew. He wasn’t even a good kisser and I gave him plenty of chances.  He drooled I think.  Ugh.

Anyways,  D broke up with me right before Christmas.  I think I actually laughed.  I remember eating dinner when he called.  I’m pretty sure I did laugh, which is making me crack up right now.  I actually hated him a little bit I just went along with everything because it was easier for MM.

I guess I learned my lesson, I never dated anyone because it was convenient for someone else after that.

Anyways, That song reminds me of D and Gumby.  Gotta love the Christmas season!

Speaking of Christmas songs, I’m pretty sure my favorite is Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas is you.  You know before she was a whore.  (hey now, I don’t mind Obsessed and Heartbreaker, but c’mon the lady ghetto’ed out.  I much prefer the Always Be My Baby Mariah Carey)  It doesn’t matter what mood I’m in that song always makes me want to dance and sing along.  It puts me in the Christmas mood.  I know right, out of all the Christmas songs that’s my go to song?

The other one that is a MUST HAVE at Christmas is I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.  My mom and I used to make Chrismas cutouts to that song.  We’d sing and dance silly.  My Papa loved hippos so I think that’s another reason I love this song.  When I was decorating our tree last weekend it came on, I like to think my Mom was there helping

What are you favorite Christmas/holiday songs?

I’m participating in Gwen Ball’s Best of 09!

Today’s question:

Best Restaurant Moment

Andrew’s on the Corner in Detroit, watching the Wings in the Stanley Cup Finals.

We did shots from the hockey stick and it’s one of the first times in a long time A Panda came out with us!

LP, A Panda, moi, C

So I think I told you guys that C accidentally threw out a box of my photo albums when we moved. He did it purely by accident and still feels awful about it. The only thing that kept him alive was that Misplaced Momma has about 85% of my doubles. When I went to visit her a couple weeks ago I brought them home.

This is a HUGE scanning project but at least the pictures will be digital now, right?!

I posted some pictures up on facebook because it’s fun and hey they are on my computer anyways. JC is on my facebook and he has commented how I haven’t changed much in 10 years.

What do you think?

The picture on the right was taken June 1999 for my 17th birthday. The picture on the right is from August 2009. I’m still classy like that.

My hair still does it’s crazy curly thing. The picture on the right was Summer 1998 and the one the left was also August 2009.

How much have you changed in the last 10 years? Let’s see it!

A walk down memory lane…

I’m not a baseball fan, I never have been.  But every year when the world series starts I have fuzzy nostalgia.  This year was no different and it was little bit more substantial because yet again, the Yankees were in the finals.

I had known Landon since I was 12.  I always liked him, he was charismatic and I’m not sure how any could not like him.  He was a smooth talker without sounding like one.  It’s no surprise that I never let go of the crush I had on him.  He was magnetic.  Through the years we hung out as friends, giggled on the phone and then didn’t talk for months at a time

1999 ©rialeilani Sorry for the crappy pic it's the only one I have of us together

Then one day we’d run into each other at someone’s house and it would start up again. I remember hanging out at his friend’s apartment one year and getting drunk and heavily making out on the floor. I didn’t get home until after 5am that morning. I was in my senior year and I still can’t believe my mom didn’t question that one. He took me to see the re-release of the Exorcist at the movie theater. Holy crap I don’t think I slept for a month after watching that movie it was hella scary. It still gives me the goosebumps to think about it. After the movie he asked me to hang out with him on sweetest day but I had plans to go haunted housing with my friends that I didn’t want to break (points for me! I’m shocked I didn’t go!).

Obviously I love reminiscing…back to baseball…

So in my freshman year of college we started hanging out more…doing homework. Yes homework, not code for something else, and I’m not even sure how this started. But I would go over to his house with my government book and he would do his homework while I did mine with the world series (Yankees vs Mets) playing in the background. He made me laugh and we had a weird connection. I think he liked me too (hello he had me over to do homework) but there was a lot of history between Landon, his best friend (J) and I. Making out always seemed acceptable, because hello, it was only kissing.

I might have been the only girl that made him ahem…finish…without actually touching it…(I found this out years later from J, Lord only knows what brought on the conversation).

I was a tease ok? And I say it without shame and damnit I’m proud of it. I didn’t just give it away.  I made him wait years.  When we were 21 he took a break from his girlfriend and I was newly single after the breakup with my douchebag boyfriend.  I have no idea how we had come back into contact with one another.  Probably through J (who I had also known since I was 12 and was always close to. And no, despite what all J’s friends think, I never slept with him thankyouverymuch) who I talked to on a regular basis.

Anyhow, Misplaced Momma and I met up with Landon and J at the bar.  We were having too much fun so we headed back to Landon’s house.  His mom mistakenly thought I was his girlfriend (they were on a break!!) when she had to open the door to let us in because Landon forgot his key.  He earned points for telling her it was me.  Well, we’ll just say he earned more than just points that night.  We hung out once or twice more and then he got back together with the girlfriend.

(I have a thing with girlfriends, they never like me.  I think she didn’t because when they first started dating a couple years before  all of us were at a bowling alley where Landon got drunk and followed me out to my car and she was trailing behind him.  I think she was being kind of bitchy and he kept telling her he’d rather go home with me.  Yeah…But I was a saint and told him he was being an ass and to knock it off   see she shouldn’t have not liked me)

About a year and a half later he died in a motorcycle accident.   His funeral was hours long because there were so many people that wanted to share stories of him.  He was magnetic.  You couldn’t help but like him.

I still have dreams about Landon.  Nothing inappropriate, mostly we just talk.  It’s weird how 5 years later I still miss him and I didn’t see him that often.  Some people leave deeper imprints on our hearts.

Rest in Peace Landon

I’m going to apologize for asking this question before I ask it.

I’m sorry.

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What is the point of facebook?

Wait, wait. Before you get all “it’s to connect with people” on me, let me explain my conflicting feelings.

I only send friend requests to people that I know and people that I knew and had a friendship with and we’ve lost touch.  In no way do I want to get involved in the I have 300 friends and am SO cool game.  So I send requests to people in high school I sat with at lunch or remember chatting with in class.  And let me tell you for those people facebook is great. And I friend people that I’m friends with now or hung out with in college.

I’ve seen on my suggested friends people that I remember being assholes or bitches and I have no desire to even know what they are doing.  But what about people in between?

For instance, I joined an alumni for my elementary school just because it seemed like fun at the time.  Going through the members I found LB.  LB lived 4 houses down from my grandma and rumor has it I beat him up before I was old enough to attend kindergarten.  When I switched from private to public school he ended up in my 6th grade class.  In retrospect we had that really cute little-boy-and-girl-have-a-crush-on-each-other relationship.  We walked home from school together, drew on each others’ notes, drove each other crazy, hit one another and called each other names.  Our classmates teased us and we denied “going out”.  On one occasion I remember being in class and all the kids around us were being jerks to LB.  I remember sticking up for him and when they turned on me he stuck up for me.   You have to love 6th grade.  There are other micellaneous stories like how I brought him his homework when he was out of school sick and how I would call and hang up on him.  You know.

And then he did it, he broke my little girl heart at the end of the year when he asked Michelle R out.  (ha she said no!)

We moved onto junior high and then high school.  We were acquaintances then since we didn’t hang out in the same crowds.  Junior year his locker ended up next to mine.  He’d always give me a smile and we’d chit chat occasionally but nothing special.   At prom we had our picture taken together, it’s a cute.

So fast forward to present time, I debated for awhile if I should send him a friend request or not.  Because really? What the hell does it matter?   This is the problem I have with facebook.  I don’t befriend anyone and everyone.  I have to have some type of connection with them or a reason to want to be friends.  LB and I had a connection from years ago but it’s still hard for me to hit send.

It’s not because I’m afraid of what the other person will  think of me and I’m not opposed to sharing my facebook-self with others, so what is it?

I think it’s because I’m lacking a reason.

Does anyone else have this problem?  Or am I just being neurotic and over thinking it?