author: rialeilani category:
girl thoughts
I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding lately. But weddings are funny things. I wonder if what I remember about my wedding is really what happened. Am I idealizing it? And if I am, is that wrong?
When I think about our wedding the first thing that I think of is warmth. From the sun, from our family and friends (17 people who really love us or just needed an excuse for a Hawaiian escape), and from the natural energy of the island. The smell of the brilliant flowers on my head and bouquet, the (plumeria) leis we bought our guests and the spider flowers that I was given for the girls to wear in their hair. (June and Linda were kind enough to ignore my bridezilla stress and picked up the leis on the way to help me get ready. They also came bearing snacks of fruit, crackers and cheese. At the ceremony where Amanda graciously handed the leis out. And the owner of the cottage we were renting went to her neighbors to get the spider flowers. BLESS THEM!) It should be mentioned as a side note that maybe everything was sparkley and great because I also had a couple mimosas and half a xanax .
I think I might be dreaming about my wedding again because February is a time of darkness and bad memories. The sun barely comes out and when it does it’s usually below zero. Stupid Winter! And stupid people for living in such cold, forbidding places. It used to be ok you could say “but I have a good job” but after the fall of the Big 3 and the loss of Pfizer and other large companies Michigan is just a sad place. In my city, which is close to Dearborn and other suburban cities that housed many of the workers that were bought out or laid off, there are boatloads of foreclosed homes. What’s really sick is that if my parents wouldn’t have moved back to Michigan I could be sunning myself on the shores of Hawaii. I swear I will never forgive them for the mistake they made almost 3o years ago! Moving from Honolulu to Detroit so my mom could be closer to her family. Pshhh!
Can you imagine who I could have been if I would have grown up in Hawaii. I could be a pro surfer right now. Or an authentic hula dancer (would my legs hurt as bad as they do now from dancing?), oceanographer, fluent in Tagalog, graduate of the University of Hawaii. In truth, I wanted to transfer to U of H in my sophomore year at Wayne State. I requested the course catalog and application. But by this time my Mom was sick and I couldn’t imagine being so far away from home (couldn’t we have at least lived in Cali?). See! If they would have never left I wouldn’t have had that dilemma! Never living it down!
I guess it’s ok though. My life has been pretty amazing even though I tend to complain about it. If I grew up in Hawaii I probably wouldn’t have had my wedding there (um yeah I would have, duh) and I wouldn’t have met C (he’s pretty great), and I probably wouldn’t have found a passion for TKD (though it might have been channeled into something even cooler like surfing…if it wasn’t for those damn sharks).
I still tease my dad about leaving Hawaii. I often wonder if he’d ever want to move back. When we got back in January he asked us when we were moving. Maybe secretly he wanted to move with us. Who can blame him? The sun is warm, the people are friendly, and to me it always feels like home.
