& that's the way life goes

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Thank you so much for all your kind words while C and I go through this difficult time. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. Scooby, my sensitive boy, hasn’t been eating much lately and he looks for Nani when it’s time to eat. It’s like he can’t eat until she does, which is why his eating habits had altered her last few days with us. We are taking both dogs on daily walks and will return to our normal routines next week. We are hopeful that by the time we leave for Ireland they have settled into a life without Nani.

If you have any advice on how to help pets cope with a loss of a companion I’d love to hear it.

I also would like some advice on traveling abroad. C and I have never left North America so we are kind of clueless on what we should bring with us beside out passports. We have no idea what to expect from customs or how we should carry spending money.

Thank you!
♥ xoxox ♥

*image location*

July 2010

Today was a day that ever pet owner dreads and refuses to think about.  Today came out of almost nowhere.  Yes I have been  worried about my oldest doggie and I subconsciously knew this day was coming but I didn’t think it would be like this.

Yesterday C took Nani to the vet to check on her stitches from her oral surgery last Thursday and to discuss the antibiotic that we thought was robbing her of her appetite and making her nauseous.  We realized Monday night that Nani was acting strangely and not able to play with the ball she wanted thrown but we didn’t think much of it.  When he took her to the vet she was running into doors and chairs.  Let me clarify this, Saturday she was picking up her bones and playing catch in the house.

I cried when I got home, that my baby had lost her sight and I pushed the dread of what could be causing it away. How could I not? She perked her ears up as I came in the door and banged her tail against the couch as if to say, “it’s ok Mama”.   Our vet referred us to an optometrist.  We took her in this morning and went through a short exam with the optometrist. He suggested a couple of tests that would take an hour and if those  came back normal he said a CT scan might be in order.  Since we lived a mile down the road went home.  They called to inform us that the first tests didn’t show anything abnormal and quoted us a price for the CT scan, $2000.  C and I were in agreement that we needed to know what was wrong and we “found” the money.  What happened next was an absolute nightmare.  They told us that she had a massive brain tumor and that waking her up out of anethesia could be risky.

No one told us there would be a risk and we might not be ble to properly hug her and say goodbye!  This is the hardest thing for me.

I couldn’t fathom waking her up just to guide her over the rainbow bridge so we said our goodbyes while she was under anesthesia and held her while they gave her final shots.  This is hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I can’t imagine not being in that room when took her last breath.

Nani was…

…stubborn

….my pillow to cry on when my Mom died, even though she hated being cuddled

….always wagging her tail – even today when she was meeting with the doctors

….a sweet girl who loved meeting new people

…blessed with velvety soft ears

…C’s big girl

…Biggie, Biggie, Biggie

…always up to play catch with her tennis ball

…the boss

…a drama queen

…my sweet, sweet puppy who I named and begged my mom to let me have – and her name meant beautiful in Hawaiian

Now she is with my Mom.  Thank you for all your kind words on twitter and facebook.  It ‘s meant so much to me.  They said that Nani’s symptoms did not point to what they found on the CT.  They thought she might have a tumor but nothing of the size they found.  The tumor destroyed the bones in her face.    It was only a matter of time before she started having seizures, falling over and losing coordination.  They were so surprised that the resident is doing a case study on Nani’s situation.  Maybe it will help someone in the future.  I know that not everyone believes in euthanasia but I honestly believe that we made the best decision for her.  That doesn’t help the hurt in my heart and how much I will miss her.

original can be found by maddy mash on flickr - click image

After this weekend I am hopeful that C and I will be able to get excited for Ireland, which is good because we leave in a little over 3 weeks!  Nani almost completely stopped eating on Monday.  The only thing she would eat was lunch meat and cheese that I would break into teeny tiny pieces and peanut butter out of her kong.  I finally googled inner ear infection and I was starting to believe that when we took her to the vet last night they were going to refer her for a CT scan and schedule surgery to have her ear drained.

Last night marked the third trip to the vet in a month but this time we saw a different doctor who immediately decided to look in Nani’s mouth after listening to the symptoms.  Finally, a real diagnosis where she showed us the problem!! Nani has to have two molars extracted.  One has completely lost all it’s enamel that caused an infection in the inside of her cheek, causing swelling.  Not her ears!  She also has a cracked molar on the other side.  The doctor assured us that this is something that happens in older dogs.  We are so relieved to finally know the cause of Nani’s pain!  C watered down some canned dog food into a soupy consistency and she devoured it.  Poor baby was starving!  She is now on pain meds until tomorrow.  Please send lots of hugs to Nani who will go in morning to get her teeth removed.

I’m confident she will have the luck of the Irish with her.  I am 1/8 Irish ya know, a Burton no less

This day has been excruciatingly long.  I’m exhausted because Nani woke me up at 3:30 excessively panting.   She still isn’t feeling right, I don’t know what we are going to do if these antibiotics don’t work.  Like many other bloggers I try not to write posts about things that drag me down but Nani is 9 years old, what if this infection doesn’t go away?  We are leaving in less than 5 weeks…

Right now she's less shiny and more sad looking

I’m having a shooting pain near my shoulder blade from the stress I’ve been carrying around.  And then the pain from my pulled hamstring I’m pretty miserable. wah, wah, wah.

But today is Friday.  I’ve started getting my family blog up and running again and after 4 years of blogging here and there I think I’ve finally found my voice for it.  It’s exciting.  I spent the morning creating a slideshow for the sidebar.  I’m happy it’s all done.

In other website type news, I updated a theme for my dad’s website and inadvertently screwed up the css.  It’s not too big of a deal but  I don’t have the brain power to figure it out right now.  It’s not breaking the page so shhhh don’t tell anyone.

I hate to say that Fall is officially here, but dang, it’s chilly out there.  The only good thing about it is that I am now constantly wearing the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned.  It’s like walking barefoot, for realz.  (I’m not in any way being compensated for saying that, but if Sanuk wants to give me a free pair, I’d be all for that)

I might have gotten caught taken a picture of my feet on my desk…

I feel like I’ve had so much going on lately and no time to talk about all the fun I’ve been having.

Eminem/Jay-Z

Even though there was drama concerning the douchebags sitting next to us I had an amazing time with Jenni, Mal and Jessica.  So much so that I was thinking about the concert for days after.  Thoughts of how hot Eminem is and just the general amazingness

Holla

Drake, 50 Cent, D12, Trick Trick and some others showed up. I might have been a little hysterical when Dr Dre made a surprise visit. I may or may not have hurt Jenni by grabbing onto her arm, screaming and jumping up and down. I’m not too proud to admit it.

Wedding

A friend of my friends, that are more like my sisters, got married. We didn’t stay all that long because we were getting up at 4:30am the next morning to start our long Labor Day weekend.

The LONG weekend up north

We got up at 4:30am and drove up to the cottage. I slept a little bit while C drank all of my coffee. We spent the majority of the weekend inside because it was chilly. I finished two books, we got some little projects done, watched Scrubs and Definitely, Maybe. We did enjoy the sun when it did come out periodically by taking walks on the beach. We also got one big project done on Tuesday, our last day up there. It was sunny but WINDY.

Besides all that I spent the rest of the days eating everything in sight. We bought the best food to take up there. Our dogs were their usual pathetic selves and after the first day or two Scooby was suicidal.