I’m feeling a little bit guilty. I have a Great-Aunt that was very close to my mom and I’ve tried to keep that perfect daughter/niece view alive but I’m floundering. This past year I’ve realized that though I love spending time with my family I want to start my own traditions.
So for thanksgiving I politely declined showing up to her house at 2pm. C and I have talked and we are spending Christmas Eve apart so we can see both our families. I got an email this weekend from Great-Aunt asking if we would be coming to Christmas Day dinner. I politely declined again because though I have always seen her both days, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, this year I want to spend Christmas Day in my pj’s with my dogs and C.
Is this wrong?
Why do I feel guilty for hurting her feelings? I’ve asked her multiple times to help me set up a time for lunch. She never responded. I know that I could be more aggressive. Does it have to come down to I’m a bad great niece because I want to spend Christmas at home?
You guys, I even emailed her and told her I don’t particularly enjoy the holidays. She never responded. Maybe it’s because she didn’t know what to say. Maybe she is hurt that I’m not coming over. I do not know.
Does this make me a bad person? My greatest fear is that my mom would be disappointed, but on the other hand I’ve always been independent and made my own decisions. She may not like what I’m doing but I think she’d understand. Right?
6 Responses to “drawing a line about holidays”
its totally not wrong to want to spend the holidays doing what you want to do. I wouldn’t feel bad. Sounds like you’ve put a lot of effort into that relationship with her and she’s not always willing to return the effort. And if you’re seeing her Christmas Eve, she shouldn’t expect both days. Creating your own traditions is great
I’m sure your mom would understand.
You just need to be open with her. Tell her you would love to see her, but you are spending time without your husband on the Family holiday of the year, and you need to be with him on Christmas Day. Considering that I know who she is… she of all people should understand.
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I don’t think it’s wrong at all. You’re not a kid anymore and now you’ve got your own family to take care of. If you and C have planned to spend Christmas Eve with your individuals families and Christmas Day together, then that’s how it should be. Just think, if you ever have kids, you will be even further down the separate family line and really won’t be able to make all the things you used to do as a child. I think iall the compromise around holiday traditions one of the hardest things about getting married/starting a family of your own.
I don’t think it makes you a bad person at all. She has to understand two things… 1. that you’re not a big fan of the holidays and 2. that you would prefer to spend the day with your husband.
I don’t think you should feel guilty about either, if you’ve made the effort to make a lunch date, that’s all you can do.
You should spend Christmas where ever you want. I hate when holidays turn into guilt trips because of things you’re supposed to do every year. I’m sure she’ll understand, especially if you’re already seeing her on Christmas Eve.
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My thought is that as long as you’re honest, doing what you want to do does not make you a bad person. You have the right to spend the holidays as you please!
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