Awhile ago I thought I’d try therapy. It didn’t work out for me because the bitch therapist made me want to punch her in the face. I’m sure that the person you are supposed to be spilling your guts to shouldn’t be someone you want to murder. So after the 3rd visit I decided not to go back.
I wasn’t giving up on the idea of therapy but when I called to see if I could see someone else they told me I had to “break up” with my original therapist.
Yeah. That never happened. I feel mostly stable so until I feel like I might fall apart again I think I’ll just keep on doing what I’m doing.
The reason why I’m telling you this is because something she said to me still irritates the hell out of me and I’d like to get your opinion.
I told her truthfully that I NEVER heard my parents argue. I never heard my dad raise his voice to my mom and I never heard her do anything more than a little nagging. I lived with my parents until my mom died when I was 21. 21 years I never heard them raise their voices to one another.
I think if I ever have children I’d want to raise them in the same environment. That kids shouldn’t have to listen to their parents fight.
My therapist said, “that because I never heard them fight is why I have a problem with confrontation, I never learned to deal with it.” So basically I had to hear them fight to learn how to deal with it? What about me fighting with them, I couldn’t learn to deal with it then?
Thoughts? Agree? Disagree?
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9 Responses to “fighting exposure”
Actually…I think that that is semi-accurate. Being that I have studied a lot of psychological “things” over my college career… You never heard them argue, therefore, never heard how they worked out an argument, etc. Just arguing WITH them….is not a model to LEARN from.
But I’m not a licensed therapist. So don’t take my word for it.
you probably don’t want to hear this- but I have to side with the therapist. we learn/mimmick behavior we see growing up (no matter what the behavior). and I think Mel said it best- yes, you fought with them, but you weren’t witness to the process of it. for example- my family is not emotional at all and i fully blame this on why i dont know how to deal with things, why- for the longest time I didn’t cry. at all. about anything. and why i have a hard time dealing with (example) death and i literally ask others how i should respond- because i really dont know how. i’ve had 5 significant people in my life die over the past few years and i still dont know how to handle the news or come to terms to deal with it.
anyways- its good your parents never fought, but the therapist has a point. sorry friend.
.-= Reinventing Amy´s last blog ..Fish In the Sea =-.
She’s a total quack hon. and you know what, my parents never raised their voice to one another (they might to the kids, not to each other since they were both “leaders” in the household). But I’m GREAT with confrontation. I totally love it. So she’s an idiot.
.-= Katana´s last blog ..Your time doesn’t belong to you =-.
I can’t honestly say if I think she’s right or not.
My parents fought a lot and I still suck at confrontation, well when it comes to people that I’m not close with anyway.
She was only giving you ONE perspective. My parents NEVER quarreled in front of us and they had 12 kids. Guess they had to show a united front or we’d take them down? LOL. The hubs and I fight it out always at home, and yes- in front of our kids. They see us bicker but they always see us make up. What I saw, when I was young was my mother…. quietly flipping off my dad behind his back (ROFLMAO) she hold up her middle finger and shake it wildly (when I was a teen) and I remember thinking, “why not go TELL him off, get that off your chest!” Maybe that’s why I never take an ounce of crap from my hubs. I call him out on in. I don’t want to be 50′ something flipping someone off and feeling so shiznitty inside. I’d rather get it out, rip it off like a band aid and move on. Most experts will tell you to NEVER fight/argue in front of your kids. I don’t know the answer. I think, only YOU know what’s really right. You can fight but you don’t have to name call and throw punches, right? You could also wait until later when you had some alone time to vent it out.
If you think you suck at confronting people – - just work on that. Take it one step at at time. Maybe someone at work is walking on you a bit. Target him/her first. Think about what you are going to say, wait until they pull their bullshit again- and then in a nice, professional way set your boundaries and watch that person fade away. You have the power to do whatever you like.
Therapists are great, but they have personalities too, and maybe she just rubbed you the wrong way- find another one and go for it!
Hmmm, I dunno. I don’t remember my parents ever REALLY fighting- maybe a quickly worded quibble here and there- and I am all about some confrontation, when I think I’m right.
Therapists are human too, which, unfortunately, means that some of them are dumb, and some of them are asshats. Sigh.
my parents bickered right in front of us, saw them kiss and make up as well but i still “don’t do” confrontations. i can’t handle it, except with my husband and close friends because i’m comfortable with them. but as for other people, especially colleagues who were hell to work with, my mouth was shut and i have never learned how to deal with them. i think i will always be a wuss when it comes to confronting other people, and i accept that as a fact already.
maybe the therapist is wrong, maybe she’s right, who knows? there is no strict guideline as to how a child is to be brought up, and to blame your parents for something they haven’t done (which sounds more good than bad to me!) as the root of your problem is unfair i think.
i hope you feel better soon, take care of you. {{{hugs}}}
.-= odette´s last blog ..goin’ crazy =-.
The therapist is not a quack or stupid because she gave you that advice. All they really go by is what is “normal” or the average person. There are many things that make a person who they are and probably what she meant is that ONE REASON why don’t like confrontation is because of your parents. It is absolutely true that we learn a ridiculous amount from watching the other relationships around us, including our parents. Is that the only relationship that shapes who we are? No but it DOES play a big part in it.
The commenters calling her a quack or dumb just because her statement isn’t true about them is just plain ignorant. Of course something that may be true for one person or the average person isn’t always going to be true. There are more than just the average people and there are outliers.
Hmm, I see what she’s trying to get at, but I sort of disagree…
I mean if a child grows up in an environment where no one ever solves any problems, then I would see that as a possibility… but not an environment with no yelling. I agree with you that kids shouldn’t be subject to their parents’ bickering matches.
What helps kids to deal with problems as adults is to grow up in a house where people communicate with one another and solve problems calmly and respectfully.
.-= Lauryn´s last blog ..Back to School =-.