The thing about moving is that you have to go through stuff to put it away. Mainly for me this means old pictures and things I’ve saved. The other night I found pictures of me from 2003-2005. The feelings I felt were indescribable. I vaguely remember that girl. She had so much in her life but had also been through a lot of trauma. And even though she had a great boyfriend and was finishing college there was a part of her that was miserable.
I don’t talk about weight much here. It’s kind of a sensitive subject for me. I don’t need people telling me that ‘oh it’s ok’ and judging me for what I say. I don’t need you to tell me I looked fine or that you gain weight as you age and all that blah blah blah. Plain and simple, in 2003 I was grossly unhealthy. The number on the scale doesn’t mean shit. It’s how you feel and listening to what your body is telling you. Or for me what my doctor was telling me.
My mom was diabetic, her dad was diabetic and his sisters were diabetic. She also had hypertension and then kidney failure. There are not such good genes on that side of the family. I’ve had high cholesterol since I was a child, but I was active so the doctors weren’t that worried. As soon as I started ballooning in weight, their comments came.
I was full of excuses. My mom died in 2003, this is just the weight I was supposed to be, I didn’t eat that bad, I exercised at Bally’s and on and on. But C and I could finish off a large pizza, we were drinking tons of Gatorade and pop and I didn’t bat an eyelash at eating a whole candy bar after polishing off that pizza.
I hated the way my clothes were tight around my arms and stomach. I was once a size 3 and was now wearing between a 9 and 11. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror and there are hardly any pictures of me (the camera whore). Blah, blah, blah. This is nothing you haven’t heard before.
Bottom line you don’t know how bad it was until you start getting healthy. Until you start toning up and 2 months later people you barely know say things like “wow you are really losing weight”. I lost 20 pounds in 2 years. This is not a lot at one time.
I still eat junk, I have candy every day (they are fun size). I don’t deprive myself from Mrs. Field’s cookies or cake or brownies when they present themselves once in awhile. I don’t diet.
I do eat in moderation. I do monitor what goes in my mouth. I do make sure I exercise at least 3 times a week. Exercise is a funny thing. It is like going to work. You HAVE TO get up to go to work to live and make money. Well I HAVE TO exercise so I can maintain my healthy weight. I HAVE TO set aside the time, just like I schedule the time I’m going to be at my job. There are days that I hate it and curse it but I get my ass to Tae Kwon Do or go for that run.
I don’t want to be a model. I just want to be healthy. And I haven’t felt this strong, this balanced, this toned in all of my life. When I was a size 3 in high school I still wasn’t this healthy (and no, I’m not a size 3 again).
To sum it up: THE NUMBERS ON THE SCALE MEAN SHIT, IT’S THE WAY YOU FEEL THAT MATTERS.
2004: My shorts barely fit (don't judge me because of my socks and ugly shoes we were hiking lol)
2008: Florida
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9 Responses to “a weighty subject”
tough subject matter. but thank you for posting it. you offered some really solid encouragement when I posted about wanting to get healthy, lose weight, and get back to a me I feel comfortable with. I see where it stems from and it’s all the more inspirational. you look amazing, by the way! I’ve gotten the food stuff mostly under control in the last couple of weeks, which has made a difference! but… i haven’t gotten the fitness part down, so this is such a great inspiration!
You look fantasting Ria!
And go you for taking this head on. I’ve made a choice that this year I’ll eat healthier and posts like these inspire me to keep going!
Dont worry Ria you still look great!
I think it really is about how you feel. And this is def a tough subject. You look great though
you look great!
and i know what you went through. i’m dealing with it myself still. i have yo-yo’d a lot with my weight in the last 5 years and i know i’ll never be as skinny as i was in high school (size 2? never again
). and i know i wasn’t necessarily unhealthy, but i don’t want it to roll down hill fast. i’m making a better effort to eat healthy and exercise.
First of all you look AMAZING. Secondly, this post was inspirational for me, because I’m trying to lose weight and it’s really hard because I’m only seeing low numbers on the scale but my pants feel differently so I’m happy with my progress thus far. Eating healthy can change your levels of energy too so that’s been a big plus for me as well.
You are fantastically hot, and you should know it, because you are seriously one of the most beautiful (physically, the internal is a GIVEN!) people I know in real life.
<3
You’ve said it before and asked me for advice about dressing–but if you ever want tips on feeling sexy or dressing your bodyshape, don’t hesitate to ask! I am a clothes wh*re (ish), and I don’t mind sharing the knowledge I glean from multitudes of fashion blogs and hours of the style network TV shows I used to watch. LOL!
i have the same problem, on my dad’s side they had a hypertension and all of them when they reach their 50′s they are all taking a maintenance medicine and that’s bothers me, i should really discipline my self though it is hard you know.
Amen to the thing about numbers not mattering but the way you feel. Really. Recently, I’ve felt SO gross because of regular stressors like work, etc. I started exercising around the New Year, and I already feel so much better!
Thanks so much for sharing this. You look fantastic!