Today would have been my Mom’s 53 birthday. If you haven’t noticed the weather is a huge part of my life. It can majorly influence my mood. Remember in Men in Black II Agent Kay tells The Light of Zartha that it rains because she cries? No? Well he does. Sometimes the sun warms my soul like a mother’s hug. Today it rained lightly with the sun out and then the sun shone through the trees. It was SO windy though!
With that said, remember the post I wrote about my grams, who is definitely not maternal? I wrote that back at the beginning of September and I still haven’t heard from her. Until today. I’m sure it’s not because she actually misses me but because she’s feeling sorry for herself today. When the phone rang I pushed the ignore button and then erased her voicemail. I know I need to let her know why I’m cutting her out of my life. I just haven’t sat down to write the letter yet. Mostly because I’m busy, and when did she take the time for me?
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I kinda wrote my grandma out of my life… spent alot of years as a kid wondering why she was never as proud of me and my brother as she was of my 2 other cousins. Somewhere I just gave up I guess. I know she loved us and was proud- she just never showed it and I grew tired of wanting to see her excited about what we were accomplishing. She died about 3 years ago now. I never went to the funeral, instead I flew to FL for springbreak. I still have mixed feelings about it. So- I guess I’m trying to say, I wrote my grams out of my life for a really dumb reason. I dont know the story with your grams, but I hope you have a good reason. Because I’ll never have closure with my decision and sometimes I wish I would’ve given her one more try.
And I totally agree about the weather and moods. It’s crappy snowy here in MN right now and I’m sooo not motivated for anything today.
Emma,
it really is hard to make the decision to cut someone out. thanks for sharing your story. my grams cut me out of her life when she got in a fight with my mom and got remarried when i was 9. she didn’t come back in until after my mom decided to fix things with her when i was 17. i’ve tried to establish a relationship with her and sometimes its ok but when i really ever need her she’s never there. she’s too self-absorbed.
i’m sorry it’s snowy already in MN!!!
I think what you feel about your grandma is the same way I feel about my father. I completely understand you and admire you for letting yourself being so vulnerable in front of friends and strangers. I think it’s best to know that we’re cutting people out of our lives because we want to than feeling that they’re doing that to us.
Happy birthday to your mom, I’m sure she’s looking over you and is very proud for being so brave
I’m really sorry ria, but sometimes you have to cut your losses, right? it’s a hard decision, but it does sound like the mature one. I’m really surprised that you have the courage to put it out publicly on your blog. That’s incredibly brave of you
hi ria, maybe you should give her another chance and fix things between the two of you, maybe she has good reasons too, try to open your heart.
I had to cut my mum out of my life for a while – one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But now that she’s sorted herself out we’re closer than ever. And the reason we’re closer now is that I know I have the strength to be independent and that if I needed to (to protect myself) I could do it again.
It might not be a happy ever after with your grandma but you’ve made a brave move and you should be proud of yourself.
I hope it does work out for the best, which ever way that may be
Wow, that must be a hard thing to do but I know that you have good reason. I’m sorry that you didn’t get a grandma you deserved though. {{hug}}
I remember that in MIB and I agree, if it rains too long I get so down in the dumps!
[...] just indifferent. For those of you that read my posts about my ‘grams’ (here and here) this is the [...]