& that's the way life goes

Let me start off by giving you some background:

My mom hated the outdoors. She didn’t garden, she didn’t sit outside at dusk, she didn’t go camping, she didn’t go fishing, she didn’t take joyous walks through trails. The extent of her outdoor adventures was to go to the family cottage and sit by the lake and sun herself.

I on the other hand love watching the sunrise & set, enjoying the breeze & hushed sounds of the forest, I touched fish eyes, learned to set up a tent for my own camping adventures and love being outside. However, I can’t garden (I kill everything) and I don’t like doing yard work EVER! Like my mom I relied on my dad to take care of those matters and then the responsibility fell on C.

But on this humid 83 degree day, I proved to myself I don’t need a man. After waking up and running an errand I found myself outside being productive, sweating my ass off and actually enjoying it.

I pulled weeds from our patio, swept away the dirt, chatted with my dogs, trimmed the hedges (No IC I didn’t use an electrical thing, we only had the manual thingamajigs), sprayed Round Up in the cracks of the driveway, hauled 3 garbage cans to the curb (garbage night) along with rolls of carpet that I tore up this weekend…

and…

wait for it…

I FRIGGIN ATTEMPTED TO MOW THE LAWN!

Well technically I did mow some lawn, if it was only the small patch next to our driveway. I would have finished but that POS lawn mower died on me!

When I first decided that I was going to attempt the unbelievable I stared at the lawn mower with wide eyes, afraid the blades were going to cut me to pieces.  Ok I’m being dramatic but I did my fair share of staring at the piece of machinery, wondering how the hell to start the process.  I got it started on the 4 or 5 pull.  My eyes were wide with fascination as I heard the engine come to life.  It was a HOLY SHIT moment.  Quickly I maneuvered it to the side grass and found my rhythm.  I made my way to the backyard and I did a couple quick, if uneven lines, when it stalled and I couldn’t get it started again.  I checked the gas and I could see the liquid sloshing around. I even checked the G’DAMN oil.  I kicked it once or twice and tried pulling on the string thing again.  No luck.  I tried calling it a Fucker, a Bastard, a POS but in the end it held it’s ground!  My backyard is still covered in too tall grass with some uneven lines.

if you look closely you can see where i cut the grass, shut up! i know they are no where near each other

SON OF A BITCH!

Lyrics that I’m really feeling…

And I said this world, this world
Could leave us anyday
But my love for you, it will never go away.
And I don’t wanna go to sleep
Cuz’ you are like a dream
For every night I see you there,
And I swear you are the answer..

I don’t need three wishes
Oh I just need one
For us to never be finished
For us to never be numb
When they say it’s over
We’ll just say I love you..

~Leona Lewis, Angel

————————————————–

We had fire in our eyes
In the beginning I
Never felt so alive
In the beginning you
You blame me but
It’s not fair when you say that I didn’t try
I just don’t want to hear it anymore…

We had time on our side
In the beginning we
We had nothing to hide
In the beginning you
You blame me but
It’s not fair when you say that I didn’t try
I just don’t want to hear it anymore

~Three Days Grace, Let it die

——————————————————–

And that road became familiar
Like the mystery shape of your heart

And I know you love me in your way
I’m looking forward to looking back on these days
And I’m fine, But I’m not ok
I’m looking forward to looking back on these days

~Mandy Moore, Looking forward

————————————————————-

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it’s not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it’s not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

~Three Days Grace, Animal I’ve Become

Kind of a mix, but eh, I’m kind of complex.

Sometimes I care too much, think too much, love too much.

We all get a lot of email forwards, but sometimes you get one that makes you think and moves your heart.  I got one of those today.  If you take the time to read it, it’s worth it:

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born.
A Death Certificate shows that we died.
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe…
That just because two people argue,
doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue,
doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe…
That we don’t have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.

I Believe…
That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe…
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe…
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe…
That it’s taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe…
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe…
That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I Believe…
That we are responsible for what
we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe…
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe…
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe…
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe…
That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.

I Believe…
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe…
That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe…
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had,
and what you’ve learned from them…..and less to do with how many
birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe…
That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe…
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe…
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe…
That you shouldn’t be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe…
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I Believe…
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe…
That even when you think you have no more to give, if
a friend cries out to you……..you will find the strength to help.

I Believe…
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe…
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

Thank you God for all the wonderful people who help us throughout the journey of life..
May Angels guard you and guide you

Friday Fill-ins
1. If I could be a fly on the wall I would like to listen in on a conversation about me and see facial expressions.

2. Jealousy is a waste of energy.

3. When I see a shooting star my wish would be that I’d get my happy ending and a new beginning.

4. I’d rather be outside than working any day!

5. Certain songs when I hear them make me wanna get up and dance, reminisce.

6. If time were in a bottle I’d keep certain moments so I could revisit them.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to sleep, tomorrow my plans include errands and cleaning and Sunday, I want to relax!

Alright peoples…I am actually in a chipper mood today.  I have no reason for it, which makes it that much better.  Here are some thoughts that are running through my head:

- It feels like summer outside!  Yes its hot and humid and going to top out around 91 degrees, but it is JULY!  It’s about time.  No worries, it’s supposed to cool off this weekend!

- I want an elephant ear…bad…like now…but for the first time in FOREVER I’m living paycheck to paycheck.  Thank God I get paid on Friday!  That elephant ear will be mine!

- I need more cute summer dresses because (a) they make it easy to get dressed in the morning and (b) people actually think I take time getting ready
- I need a haircut, like now!

- I want to do nothing this weekend!  No drinking for sure.  I’ve been on a binge for a little over a month and I’m TIRED!

- My dad found my sparring video on youtube yesterday and called to chat.  Our conversation went like this:
Dad: I saw you on youtube
Me: (thinking he knows what youtube is?) oh yeah
Dad: Why didn’t you tell me you were on youtube
Me: Um because you have the dvd?!
Dad: You should have told me, you won you know
Me: That’s because it was an exhibition match, we both won
Dad: Yeah, but you still won
Me: How come we haven’t sparred in 2 months?
Dad: You don’t tell me you want to spar…
Ok so it’s not funny per se, but think of Jackie Chan talking to you, my Dad sounds like that

- I have a bazillion things on my desk to work on and I want to set my new computer with 2 19′ monitors up.  Maybe tomorrow!  Yet I sit here and write this blog…

- I keep coming home to chewed up underwear, couches and pillows…Scooby is back to being locked up (insert the Bad Boys song here)

- Kensington Lake is disgustingly dirty and I refuse to go swimming there

- I totally am getting raise at work!  *doing a happy dance, stops to think…maybe I should get back to work