& that's the way life goes

I was tagged by the fabulous JavaQueen.

The object is to complete each of the following snippets. I have included the blank ones at the end of this post so they can easily be copied and pasted.

I am: neurotic, intuitive, loving, self-centered only child
I think: way too much and sometimes I wish that someone could live in my head to see what I deal with on a day to day basis
I know: I have a lot to learn and as much to be thankful for
I have: grown a lot as a person in the last 5 years
I wish: I could take people’s hurts away and that everything wasn’t so complicated
I hate: rude, obnoxious people
I miss: the people that have passed away and ones I’ve lost touch with
I fear: loved ones dying and things exploding
I hear: the tv in the other room
I smell: wet dog (ick)
I crave: to create the happiness that I know is in my heart
I search: for answers and explanations constantly
I wonder: how different my life would be if my Mom were still alive
I regret: some things but then realize that what happens is meant to be
I love: easily and wholehearted
I ache: after my dad kicks me in the leg
I am not: an outgoing person
I believe: everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will find a way
I dance: when I’m happy
I sing: in the car
I cry: by myself so no one can see my tears
I fight: when it’s absolutely necessary but I hate it
I win: when I get my way
I lose: whenever I let my emotions get the best of me
I never: imagined meeting so many great people through my blog
I always: try to see things from another point of view before I judge
I confuse: myself throughly a lot of the time
I listen: carefully and with my full attention
I can usually be found: on the computer…haha duh…or at the dojo…or lost in my daydreams
I am scared: I’ll never figure my place out in this world
I need: to be loved and wanted
I am happy about: my job
I imagine: that one day I’ll have my house up north
I tag: SleepyJane, Chickbug, Irish Cailin, Katelin from pretty sandy feet, Emma Elizabeth, Amanda from cusp of normal, Supergirl, And anyone else who feels like doing it. Let me know so I can check out your answers!

And copying from JQ, here is the list you can copy and paste:

And, just as sweetly as Teeni did, here are the blank for you to copy and paste:
I am:
I think:
I know:
I have:
I wish:
I hate:
I miss:
I fear:
I hear:
I smell:
I crave:
I search:
I wonder:
I regret:
I love:
I ache:
I am not:
I believe:
I dance:
I sing:
I cry:
I fight:
I win:
I lose:
I never:
I always:
I confuse:
I listen:
I can usually be found:
I am scared:
I need:
I am happy about:
I imagine:
I tag:

According to this article I found on AOL:

my odds of anxiety and depression are lower because I was a chubby baby

but…

I’m at higher odds to commit suicide because I was born in the summer.   The study’s authors note that their findings are consistent with the prevalence of people born during spring and summer suffering from seasonal affective disorders and alcoholism, both of which represent about 10 percent of total expected annual suicides in England and Wales. (see I do have that seasonal disorder!) Summer-born babies also have a higher risk of nearsightedness with the highest rates occurring in babies born in June/July…(I’m really nearsighted too!)

and…

I have a greater risk of cerebral palsy, autism-spectrum disorders, mental retardation, blindness, low vision, hearing loss, and epilepsy as well as disorders of psychological development behavior and emotion because I was premature

I don’t know if I necessarily agree that it’s my birth month that makes things be or not be, but it’s interesting all the same.

I had to post this because of the second to last paragraph. If you don’t feel like reading the whole thing, PLEASE scroll down to the bottom! It’s ridiculously true!!!

What Rialeilani Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You’re always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle you. You’re very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you’re likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don’t get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

I was reading chickbug’s blog (she’s pretty awesome, go visit her) and I think the post she wrote today is priceless. I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing.

To Love What Is

Are you loving what is? Or are you like me and focusing on what ifs and could bes? Wishing for things the way they were or how you want them to be?

I’ve been wasting time and life lately. Thanks to Chickbug, I’m going to start loving what is. I really needed to have things put in perspective. With my previous post and this I think I’m on the right track.

Thanks to everyone who left me such kind words and hugs today, I really appreciate them!!!

I’m guilty of not looking at the calendar on the weekends unless I have something planned.  When I got to work this morning I flipped my calendar past the weekend and landed on today’s date.  July 28.

I missed the 5th anniversary of my mom’s death yesterday.  It’s morbid, yes, but I like to light a candle and remember that day.  Not because I like the pain, but because it brings things into perspective.  Life is short.  Death is permanent.  No matter how much time passes you never stop hurting or missing special people.  It’s so important to live life and create our own happiness.

January 2003

Mother, I Don’t Mind The Pain
by Saundra L. Washington
When you died my dearest, blessed mother,
I had no sights or thoughts for tomorrow.
My soul experienced a wrenching eruption
Of pain and grief and excruciating sorrow.

The anguish of spirit: so unbearable;
The agony of mind: so intense,
The suffering in body: so unceasing,
Against all: I had no defense.

Nevertheless, beloved, I need you to know,
And I pray you can hear what I say.
I don’t mind the pain I’m going through.
It’s a small price, for our love, to pay.

We knew that one day we would have to part;
That death would come by in due time.

Birthday at the cottage

We knew how hard it would be for the other,
Who had to courageously linger behind.

But we knew our bond was worth the cost,
And valued each moment together we shared.
Now that I must without you go on,
The pain of my loss I will not be spared.

I wouldn’t, if I could, give my pain away.
It’s special and mine all alone.
It affirms all the love that I felt for you,
And in me, it can only be known.

So mother, though the pain of grief I endure
Will gradually and slowly subside.
The strength of the love that you and I share,
In the core of my heart will forever abide.