29
Feb

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The conversion to Microsoft Office 2007 was creating havoc in the department’s that my office is responsible for.  People were calling, in a panic, because things looked so different.  Ok I will give that to you, it’s a little scary, it’s something different but in the end it is still is able to do the same functions as before.  My boss researched and pulled together  all different kinds of materials for people to read, watch, or print out to help them cope with all these shiny new things they were fearing.  We added a special page for all these materials on our website and he was composing an email to give out the link.  I was at someone’s desk when he approached me to go to his office so he could read the email.

Boss: Come to my office I’ve composed an email I want to read to you.

Me: Ok (follows behind him to his office)

Boss: So this is the email I wrote for….(searching for words)

Me: This is how it works bitches

Yeah I said it, it was out of my mouth before I even thought about.  I totally know some of you just winced for me thinking “Oh my god she is SO getting fired” or at least some type of reprimand.  I mean come on I just told the Interim Director “This is how it works bitches”.  Did I mention he’s a missionary who is leaving this summer to return abroad?  You just cringed didn’t you?  No worries, I won’t be collecting unemployment any time soon (fingers crossed).  My boss is really pretty awesome and his reaction was great.  He threw his head back and laughed.

It’s not unusual for my personal persona to cross over to my “professional” work environment, but that’s the first time it’s come out in front of my boss.   I definitely won’t be making a habit of it.  I will remember what my parents  taught me: “Think before you speak!”

28
Feb

I never took the time to think about what goes into buying a house. After seeing 4 today that we really didn’t care for I began to ponder what my Mom saw in the this house (right now we are renting it from my Dad who lives in another house with his current girlfriend). I wonder what the process was like for her, if she got fed up and if my Dad really adored this house as much as she did. There are definite things in this house I don’t care for but all in all it’s spacious and homey. I get distinct feelings when I walk in the front doors of some houses. I don’t think C♥ is affected by this. It’s just my intuition.

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The front door of the last house my Mom ever bought.  It must have given her good vibes :o )

28
Feb

My breathing becomes irregular and my heart beats rapidly in my chest. I blow out a breath of air and try to concentrate. I must be concentrating too hard because everything in my mind goes blank. I start to break out into a cold sweat, it’s harder to breathe and I’m afraid my heart is going to pound out of my chest. Too many people staring at me, watching me, expecting excellence from me. Instead I completely fail with only 3 more steps to go. This happens 5 times. Not once or even twice but 5 times. I’m mortified when I finally finish but I try not to hang my head in shame. I keep my head high and walk to the back. If I’m not feeling bad enough the f*cking asshole in class has to comment. I hold back tears, traumatized by the whole event. A half hour later I left the dojo and cried when I got home. (and an hour after that I got drunk from one margarita HAHA) So 3 months later why am I doing it again?

It’s belt testing time again at Tae Kwon Do. In front of all the parents, 2 Masters, Grandmaster, his wife (also a black belt, I’m not sure what degree) and my Master/Instructor (my dad a 4th degree black belt). I know all the blocking sets, kicks, stances, sparring, and I really do know my form. I can do it in my head and in class on cue, but when it comes to all those people staring, watching I choke. Last time one of the Master’s spoke up for me saying I was nervous (I’m always nervous) while my dad laughed. I think he laughs because I just embarrassed him and he’s not sure what else to do. He also tells me I choke all the time. He doesn’t do it to be mean, really, I think he thinks I’m like him and the harder I’m pushed the more likely I will be succeed. C♥ is like that too. But I’m too sensitive to be pushed to succeed. I need loving, gentle support to succeed not someone demanding that I do it.

I’m not outwardly competitive but I’m extremely competitive with myself in my mind. Which is why, 3 months later, I’m going to do it again. Because maybe this time it will be different. But the fear of “maybe it won’t” scares the shit out of me. Can I face the humiliation again and hold back tears? I think not. Any advice on blocking people out so I can relax enough to demonstrate my form without choking?

27
Feb

I lost track of the days…Here is my photo of the day.  The only window I can look out in my office and I have to walk around the corner.  Sad.

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Obviously I doctored it a little. Hehe

27
Feb

Sarah Silverman “I’m F*cking Matt Damon”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnVJZkDuVBM&rel=1]

Jimmy Kimmel’s Response

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIQrBouWRiE&rel=1]

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