Lack of words isn’t always a bad thing – How I know my Dad will always take my side

My Dad and IAs time goes on I’ve noticed that I’m showing more personality traits of my Dad than my Mom.  I’m sure this is partly because my Mom has been gone 10 years now.

My Dad never gives me a reaction when I out of the blue tell him things.  We have a decent relationship but we don’t have a lot of deep, heartfelt conversations. We both just drop important information out of nowhere.

For instance, a couple weeks ago I showed up at his taekwondo school for class.  When everyone had left…

I said, “I quit my job”.

He said, “oh”.

Period, the end. No questions, though he paused to see if I was going to add anything else and sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.  This time I did explain.

A few months ago I had to pick up a rental car a few miles from my house.  At 9pm the night before I called my dad and asked him if he could meet me at the car rental place at 8am and drive me home.  He said sure, no questions why C couldn’t do it, just ok see you then.  As he was pulling up to my house he saw C’s car and asked why he didn’t come get me.

I replied, “because he’s an asshole”.

My Dad, “Oh”.

No questions asked.  Truth be told the asshole comment happened a few times this summer.  I know most people would want to be prompted with a lot of questions to get whatever it is off their mind but I’m ok with our relationship.  It reinforces the fact that no matter what I tell my Dad he’ll be there by my side and nothing else really matters.  It works for us and I love him for it.

What is your relationship like with your Dad?  Do you talk about everything or share a sort of unspoken closeness or something else?

let the words fall out – not letting the soul stealing job win

jack_canfield

The first week after our restructuring in July, I went to Ohio to the other office where a different project was having massive layoffs.  I was meeting with my new boss and new staff members.  Our previous staff was relatively small so I had a good relationship with our big boss, B, who would be taking over both projects. He hired me and always treated me with respect.

It was in Ohio that B took me aside and asked me how I was feeling.  I had been trying very hard to keep my anxiety over my new position to myself, but in doing that I had completely shut him out.  We had a long talk where we both got a little emotional and I promised to try it out.  He really showed he wanted what was best for me and that he thought of me as someone he could trust.

Fast forward to last Tuesday. I had been getting multiple emails a day telling me everything I had done wrong.  I’m not adverse to criticism but I will not tolerate being talked to (or in this case emailed) in a demeaning and disrespectful tone and I was getting it treatment multiple times a day.  On Tuesday I copied B on a particularly assholish email because I had had enough.

On Wednesday, I walked into B’s office and asked if I could speak with him, shutting the door.  Shutting the door is a big joke between us, it means something big is going on.  I sat down and looked at him and started to cry, I know right, I’m such a professional.  He took that moment to tell me that he had emailed my new boss about the asshole had been talking to me and let me know that it was unacceptable.

And then I spilled it. I put my resignation in, not because someone was being mean to me but because the job was slowly killing my soul day by day.  He wanted to know if I had another job lined up and I told the truth, I did not.

I still don’t.

I have options, I’ve put my resume out there but I’ve decided that my mental health is so much more important to me than society saying it isn’t right to leave a job without another one lined up.

Part of me feels like a quitter. Part of me feels empowered. It’s a mental struggle.

An email went out with the date of my last day.  People are coming up to ask me where I’m going.  When I tell them that I don’t know, I get the look.  Leaving a job without a job! The shame!

Truth be told I’ve been having a rough summer in my personal life too as all of this was going on.  People think I’ve completely flown off the handle.  But I haven’t. I’m doing  exactly what feels right to me and I’m ready for the unknown (I think).  I know it might not be easy but I had a somewhat plan when I said the words, “I can’t do this anymore”.

Aside from the people giving me the look, I’ve had an amazing support system.  Every friend I talked to before I pulled the resignation trigger has stood by my side with encouraging words and ideas on how to network.

I could not be more blessed with true friends.

 

Sometimes you just need to be brave

the corporate world just shit all over my career path

via www.magzink.com

via www.magzink.com

26 months ago I left a comfortable, yet boring position at a university.  I enjoyed the people I worked with but I wasn’t going anywhere and I felt like I was more on a student path than a career path.  I made the move from higher education to the corporate world.

I spent the first 12 months quite freaked out about the tasks ahead of me.  I’d be the coordinator of launching a brand new website and increasing brand presence on social media.   I was definitely earning my pay check at my new job but I was excited about the  challenges that were presented.  I won’t lie though I had some nightmares and panic attacks along the way.

I worked  mostly with an amazing group of people that were working just as hard as I was so I never felt angry at all the extra time I put in.  Last November, I was forced to turn in a pseudo boss that had been harassing me.  It was a quick procedure and my two bosses stood behind me 100%.

With the absence of the creepy guy, everything looked rosy.  The new website was up and running and I found pride in maintaining it and the relationships I had grown with our IT department.  I had grown our social media presence by over 400%. In January, I was given a promotion and a raise that increased my salary by $12,000 a year.

And then the bottom fell out in July.  Corporate pulled the plug on us.  Half my co-workers were laid off and the rest of us were moved to another project.  I was given a job that I never would have applied for.  I spend my days spontaneously bursting into tears because I’m so frustrated.  I thought at first it was reactionary but it’s 2 months later and I’m still emotional about it.

Today I got an email about our site shutdown that will happen on November 1. All the hours, the blood, the sweat and the many tears will officially be gone from the internet. It was the first big project I have ever had and it was completely mine.  The work, of course, is not.  There were many people that had a hand in creating it, but I was the only person in the digital department.  It was my baby.

Now I spend my day running tedious reports. I loathe numbers. My head hurts by the end of the day and every new thing on the horizon makes my stomach turn and brings tears to my eyes.  Gone are the days that I work hard but am so proud of what I’m accomplishing.  I’m now just trying to make it through the day and to the weekend.

This is not how I want to spend my life.  There are some changes in my future, I hope I have the patience for them to come along.  I’m not a quitter, I’ve never up and left a job but there are more than a dozen times that I thought about doing just that.

You guys, money really isn’t everything. I always knew this but I am now realizing how true that is.

40 hours a week doing something that you hate is no way to spend life.

Have you been here? Any advice, I could definitely use it.

tap, tap, tap…So, yeah, hi

life-isnt-about-waiting-for-the-storm-to-pass-its-learning-to-dance-in-the-rain-facebook-cover

It’s been over a year since I’ve touched this little blog space of mine.  I’ve logged in to update my WordPress database and longingly looked at the “+ New” button but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  See many of the reasons I chose to let this place go into hibernation was because I thought I had outgrown it.  I thought I needed to move onto a more public space, but the truth is, I didn’t.  It just took me a little while over a year to see that.

The decision to hibernate was made a bit easier because I got hacked and then I got an email that made me really uncomfortable.  Not cool when your real life invades your semi-anonymous one.  I’ve taken the time to think about it and I’ve decided, I don’t give a fuck.  I’m making no apologies about what I share here and if you see something that makes you uncomfortable, there is a little red X in the corner up there.

So I’m back, I love this space, it’s a part of me and a place that I always loved.  I’ve made so many great friends from blogging and I hope to make many more.

Over the next few week’s I’ll be giving this space a bit of a makeover. I hope you’ll stay tuned.

xoxo,
Ria

 

 

is this thing on?

I’m not sure if many people still stop by this little space of mine much anymore.  I’m really struggling with what I want this space to be.  I love the semi-anonymity of this blog.  I love not having to censor myself here.   But as my “career” progresses I am finding that I need to have a space that is open to my professional life.  I need to showcase my skills and I am obviously not comfortable with letting any type of boss reading this little website.

I’ve kept my personal and private life online separated for as long as I’ve been blogging.  It’s become apparent that I can’t keep it that way any longer.  I don’t want to say that I’m leaving this place forever, but with work and traveling for work my days do not have enough time in them to blog in both places.

You may or may not have noticed I’ve even been absent from twitter too.  If you are still reading and happen to wonder what I am up to, leave a comment here or email me.  I will give you my other blog address and twitter account that I’ve become more active on.  While it is definitely rated G, I still like to share and document things that go on in my life.  You probably won’t see me drop the F bomb  (which don’t worry, I still swear like a sailor) and I’ll keep the complaining to a bare minimum because I’d prefer not to be judged before people meet me.

A couple things I’ve been up to…I chopped off all my hair,  Scooby & Stella graduated obedience class & I ran my  2nd 5k

I want to have a personal presence online for any future employers.  I do miss this space though.  Who knows, maybe if I find some free time I’ll keep it up.

Thanks for sticking around.

xoxo

Ria

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