& that's the way life goes

Pieces of Me – September 2010

I like:

another girls weekend † quiet time at home † exciting plans in the making † sangria † reminiscing † being made dinner † passing a test † gilmore girls

I don’t like:

being afraid of failure † summer ending † standardized testing † planning in advance

I want you to know:

That I’m seriously thinking of taking the GRE for grad school before the end of the year.  This scares me but I think it’s something I need to do.  I never thought I’d go to graduate school but never say never, right?

I’ve planned:

To start studying after Labor Day weekend.

I want to say to someone special:

Life is full of good and bad things.  It’s better and more productive to focus on the good stuff.

*Thanks for the toothfairy for starting this

The past weekend was both long and short. It was one of those weekends that bends time. It was packed with events and errands that made me feel like I was constantly running around, yet I had time to park myself on the couch and mindlessly watch half of Gilmore Girls season 1.

After plans changed multiple times on Friday, Jenni and I went to yin yoga. The best idea ever because my legs and hips have been bothering me lately. Maybe I’m getting old. I didn’t want to overstretch anything because I had my first pretest for my 2nd degree blackbelt on Saturday. After laughing because one of the poses hurt so bad my hip was dying in agony, but I woke up Saturday feeling better than I had all week. YES!

Testing went pretty well. The kids were so cute and couldn’t wait to start. It’s amazing how much and fast they learn.

One of my oldest friends baby shower was on Sunday.  She is one of those friends that I do love because I’ve known her so long but we aren’t very close.  This is the type of event that makes me miss my mom immensely.  I must have done something right because karma was nice to me and I ended up sitting with a couple girls from her work that were easy to talk to.

When I got home C was back from up north and he made me dinner.  It was delicious and we finished off the weekend by watching Rescue Me.

Now I’m just counting days until Thursday, when my LONG weekend begins.  Starting off with Eminem and Jay-Z!

Things I don’t get:

• Black bridesmaids dresses for a July beach wedding
• Living up to other people’s expectations instead of your own
• My obsession with lime green accessories – my etsy favorites is overflowing
• Why the past 3 times I’ve been up north it’s rained every Saturday and this weekend when I absolutely can’t go, it’s going to be Sunny and 80’s.
• Where my fear of failure came from
• All the junk mail I get
• When I leave my phone at home I actually sit and think about what I could be checking if I had it with me – I had just run to the gas station.  This is a problem.
• Why my face is suddenly breaking out like a teenage girl

And to end on a good note…

Things I’m loving:

meeting up with Lauryn and Jenni † crystal earrings that came from New Zealand † iced tea † low humidity † wearing jeans † putting myself out there † speaking my mind † letting go † awesome friends † rescue me on netflix † gilmore girls † new possibilities

I’ve got a secret…

I’m having a love affair.  S is sweet, always there and never lets me down.  When I’m having a bad day S is there to pick me up and calm my nerves.  S and I met a few times but I didn’t realize what an effect S had on me.  But over the summer we’ve formed an amazing relationship.  It’s fun and relaxing, everything that I need.  I’m sure that everyone should have their own S.

S as in Sangria

Haha!

{song lyrics: Taio Cruz, Dyanmite}

There are things I don’t want to talk about right now.  Either because I wish it wasn’t real or I’m afraid if I talk about it I’ll jinx it.  Simply when I stop talking something has taken over my life.  When I stop talking something major is going on.  Maybe it’s one thing or maybe it’s a lot of little somethings.

Regardless…

I still feel a tiny inkling to keep up my little space in your google reader.

Things I learned this past weekend:

• I could have graduated in 98-99 and still be 22 years old
• I surprise people – I may always be the ‘cute girl’ (never sexy) but my dancing may have you inhaling sharply
• It’s ok to finally confess some of the really horrible things that happened years ago that you never told anyone about.  (For example: almost drowning in the middle of a lake because your fucking asshole boyfriend left you with his incompetent friend, people doing lines of coke in the living room of a house you were visiting, being picked up at the Canadian border by your controlling boyfriend who wouldn’t let you go out with your friends, etc…)
• It’s ok to name things you regret even when you cling to the belief you shouldn’t regret anything
• I’m not the only one that gets nostalgic about a certain time
• Trust your instincts
• Playing games when you know all the rules is fun, there is something to be said about getting older and wiser

I was reading Times’ Top 10 Things Today’s Kids Will Never Experience (I felt like a smart person saying I was reading Times – just FYI) and number 8 made me stop and go, huh?

8. Tan M&M’s

I don’t remember the tan ones.  Do you?  Apparently, prior to 1995 M&M’s consisted of the colors tan, red, yellow, green, dark brown and orange.  They dropped having two browns and made room for blue.  Interesting…I learned something new today

This also made me think that in the Wedding Planner Mary wouldn’t have had to throw so many M&M’s out because she only ate the brown ones.

Right, yeah it’s been that kind of day.  I don’t know, it’s just going by so slow and I’ve actually been working.  Crazy, yes.

In good news I get to spend the weekend with my bestest.  The whole weekend!  It should be, if anything, relaxing.  I’m hoping that it will be more exciting and ‘OMG did that just happen’ though.  When we get together you never know which way it’s going to go.  Either way it will be fun. 

When is the last time you laughed like this?

Thanks to these two ladies: Jenni & LP,

I almost died from laughter.  Best way to die, just fyi.

There were a couple crazy nights at the local bar.  One night included a creepy guy that wouldn’t leave poor Jenni alone.  But she’s hot and awesome so I guess I can’t blame him.  But dang…he was gross.  We are all Beaver Certified. If you care to know, it’s called a beaver for two reasons: It has fur & because it eats wood.

The tubing adventure was all about A LOT of beer, new friends, Jenni getting stuck in the tube and no one actually helping untangle her, branches smacking people me in the head, Jenni getting a bruise from her awesome waterproof box, jello-jars, sex talk and most of all FUN.

There was a lot of noming and cheek kissing going on

Shotgunning beer FAIL

I can’t wait to do it all again next year!

xoxo

The weather up north this weekend was pretty nice.  It was hot so I didn’t mind sitting outside by the fire.  Yeah I know that doesn’t make much sense but I’m not a big fan of chilling outside in the cold around a campfire.

I know, I’m weird.

Friday was gorgeous and we spent most of the day on the boat.  Followed by relaxing by the fire.  I did get eaten alive Saturday afternoon and I’m ridiculously itchy though.

How was your weekend?

I can’t sleep. There is a lot of stuff going on in my head.  I found an old journal from when I first started dating C. The pain of losing my mom is so fresh and raw in my entries it brings back the pain and uncertainty. I was trying so hard just to get my feelings out.  At the back was an email I wrote to myself and printed out.

It solidifies my belief that we are who we are. We don’t change as much as we think we do.  Here are the last couple sentences…

Dated July 15, 2004

How was I able to cope with losing a boyfriend,  a dog (who I loved so much), and most of all my mother. Where is this strength I conjured up now? Why do I feel all alone in this messy situation I got myself into.  Life is a bitch and then you die. May the afterlife be simplier and pleasant for all mankind,  including animals.

Clearly right now I’m not dealing with losing a boyfriend and a dog (please no), but the rest of what I wrote hits a familiar cord.  I don’t know where my strength is now and I’m not sure I ended up where I am or how to make things right after everything that’s been said. 

My other entries talked about my worry for my dad and his financials. Like I said, some things just don’t change.  As much as I’d like to say I learned and grew from past experiences sometimes it feels like I make the same mistakes over and over again. Which in turn makes me go through the backlash another time.

Maybe now I can sleep.

PS…totally posted from my phone.geeked out!

I was crazy happy this morning. I got up and had this whole post I wanted to write. And then I got ridiculously obsessive and crabby and it all went out the window.

So instead of my fiercely awesome post you get this

{from Stuff No One Told Me, thanks Jenni!}

So terribly true!