The first week after our restructuring in July, I went to Ohio to the other office where a different project was having massive layoffs. I was meeting with my new boss and new staff members. Our previous staff was relatively small so I had a good relationship with our big boss, B, who would be taking over both projects. He hired me and always treated me with respect.
It was in Ohio that B took me aside and asked me how I was feeling. I had been trying very hard to keep my anxiety over my new position to myself, but in doing that I had completely shut him out. We had a long talk where we both got a little emotional and I promised to try it out. He really showed he wanted what was best for me and that he thought of me as someone he could trust.
Fast forward to last Tuesday. I had been getting multiple emails a day telling me everything I had done wrong. I’m not adverse to criticism but I will not tolerate being talked to (or in this case emailed) in a demeaning and disrespectful tone and I was getting it treatment multiple times a day. On Tuesday I copied B on a particularly assholish email because I had had enough.
On Wednesday, I walked into B’s office and asked if I could speak with him, shutting the door. Shutting the door is a big joke between us, it means something big is going on. I sat down and looked at him and started to cry, I know right, I’m such a professional. He took that moment to tell me that he had emailed my new boss about the asshole had been talking to me and let me know that it was unacceptable.
And then I spilled it. I put my resignation in, not because someone was being mean to me but because the job was slowly killing my soul day by day. He wanted to know if I had another job lined up and I told the truth, I did not.
I still don’t.
I have options, I’ve put my resume out there but I’ve decided that my mental health is so much more important to me than society saying it isn’t right to leave a job without another one lined up.
Part of me feels like a quitter. Part of me feels empowered. It’s a mental struggle.
An email went out with the date of my last day. People are coming up to ask me where I’m going. When I tell them that I don’t know, I get the look. Leaving a job without a job! The shame!
Truth be told I’ve been having a rough summer in my personal life too as all of this was going on. People think I’ve completely flown off the handle. But I haven’t. I’m doing exactly what feels right to me and I’m ready for the unknown (I think). I know it might not be easy but I had a somewhat plan when I said the words, “I can’t do this anymore”.
Aside from the people giving me the look, I’ve had an amazing support system. Every friend I talked to before I pulled the resignation trigger has stood by my side with encouraging words and ideas on how to network.
I could not be more blessed with true friends.
Sometimes you just need to be brave